Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
