I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize