You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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