someone threw a dead crab at me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
