my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize