apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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