i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love you. Go after that dick
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