Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
