I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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