Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
