Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
