I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize