I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
