Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
