I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize