i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
