I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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