something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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