Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
