We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
