you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
