Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
