just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
