I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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