OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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