He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
