he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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