You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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