i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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