she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
