I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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