If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
