i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
