you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize