dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
