woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
