your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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