Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
