I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
