I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
