Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
