i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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