Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize