walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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