yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
