DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize