I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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