There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
