I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
