Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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