I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ok first of all what the fuck
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
