"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
