thus making me awesome and them whores
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
