I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
