Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
