You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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