saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
