made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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