i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the condom got lost in my hair
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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