Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
