dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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