I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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