the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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